This a question I get asked often and it is usually preceded by a statement like “Is there something wrong with me?” I want to answer that question for you. Nope, there is nothing wrong with you but when you believe there is you will tolerate a lot from men that really you shouldn’t…. and that is where the change needs to happen.
So, why do you end up with the wrong guy?
You have got to set boundaries
You want a loving relationship with a great guy, but you are dating a man who won’t contact you when he says he will. Is sleeping with you and this is not what you hoped for more, but he is not prepare to give it. You must set a clear boundary because this is not what you want, you want a relationship.
When you respect your boundaries, so will he. So when you say you want a loving relationship with a great guy you are attracted to, stop giving your time and body to the guy who does not value it. Set the boundary, goodbye loser.
But, I like him
Too many women put up with poor behaviour from guys (and don’t get me wrong there are lots of great guys out there) with the only reason for staying with him being “because I like him”.
Despite the fact he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t want anything serious with you, he’s seeing someone else or he never makes the effort”.
That should be an automatic turn off.
The problem is not that you can’t meet or find men, it is that your reason for staying with him is very poor “I like him” is not a reason to put up with poor behaviour. Never ignore the bad stuff….ever, it doesn’t go away.
Let me give you the dictionary definition of valuing something. It is “the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something” or “principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life”. Nobody will walk up to you and ever tell you, you are worth more, you must decide this. Create a standard for yourself and how you want to live and stop settling for crumbs, watch this attract you a whole new man.
When he continues to stay in contact even though you are not together
This will definitely keep you in the wrong relationship. If he is not giving you what you want you must say goodbye. It all starts from us, why does he still contact you because literally you reply, there nothing else going on in his life and you are filling in the gap till he finds what he wants. Someone always gets hurt in the end, wouldn’t it be better to cut the strings now and concentrate on what you do want? Declutter, no more contact with ex’s or men who are only giving you crumbs.
You have slept with him but he doesn’t want a relationship
If you want a relationship and he is having sex with you and won’t commit to you. That is a definite sign he’s the wrong guy. Stop denying yourself, stop sleeping with him in hope it will be something more.
Dating from hurt
Any hurt is definitely going to bring you the wrong guy. Fear of commitment, rejection, being vulnerable or feeling not good enough will prevent you from believing you can have what you want and until you shift that thing, you know is holding you back it will always be the wrong guy you are meeting.
Chemistry and physical attraction
Chemistry wears off and people change physically over time, a love without depth over time will feel lonely, so make sure you get the other goodies as well.
So let me clarify, there is nothing wrong with you, but if you want a better guy, you have got to stop accepting poor behaviour from a guy who was never going to give you what you need in the first place. Set some boundaries, value yourself, create a higher standard and love yourself enough not to put up with crumbs.
Lorna is a dating coach who helps savvy, smart successful women who are single have loving relationships with a great guy. Get your Free Audio: Avoid Ending Up With The Wrong Guy here.