Have you ever watched First Dates, on Channel 4? As a dating coach, I find it’s a great study of men and women and how they interact with each other. As someone who is no longer dating, it brought all my memories back to when I was dating. What I want to share with you today are some of the tips that worked for me. The Do’s and Don’t of dating.
What to say
Talk about or ask ‘How are you finding match.com?’ Who wants to talk about other people on a dating site when you are on a date with them. Don’t talk about your ex or ask him about his, they should be irrelevant at this point. Don’t ask about his job or career, you will get a sense of how well they do over time. All this stuff is too heavy and you are approaching the date with an agenda. It is also what everybody else does, and it gets old.
Keep the conversation general and light. Talk about day to day stuff, like something silly that happened to you earlier in the day that you both can have a giggle about. Example “Oh my dog Ralf is so funny, he keeps going over to the neighbours for lunch, I think my neighbour loves spoiling him. She gives him treats, so he keeps begging. They’re so clever”.
If you can find a commonality or know what the person is passionate about you will make an instant connection and release their feel-good happy vibe. You want the person opposite you to have a positive experience with you. You can do this by asking questions like “What do you love to do?” Or talk about what you love and ask them about what they love.
What to wear
Don’t wear low cut tops. What is there to look forward to when he has seen everything already? Over sexualizing puts you into the short-term category in his head. If you want a boyfriend than act like girlfriend material
Wear what compliments your body, make the effort. Smart casual is best, don’t show up in your work clothes and dress to impress.
When he offers you a drink
Argue with him about getting you everything, don’t question is agenda just accept and say thanks. After all you want a man who “gets you”, a man who “gets you” will be a gentleman.
Say yes, smile, say thank you and gin and tonic or whatever your drink is. Men like to take the lead, they like to take care of you and it makes him feel good when he can provide and do nice things for you. You can offer to buy him a drink back, but if he says no I will get this say “thank you”.
Compliments & Appreciation
If he gives you a compliment say “Thank you”. That’s it, don’t try to justify the compliment or question if there’s something wrong with him for liking you. Confident women who are ready for love know they have something to offer, and so do you.
Be careful that you are not coming across as ungrateful, when really it is your own stuff. If he does something nice for you, acknowledge it. He compliments you…accept it. You will be surprised how many women mess this one up.
Give him a compliment that is unique to him, so instead of saying ‘nice shirt’ you can say “you have a wicked smile, I will give you that” tongue in cheek. He picked the venue, bought you drinks and paid the bill say “thank you I really enjoyed tonight” and let him do the rest. You got show interest but it comes from a confident, high-valued woman place.
Paying The Bill
Don’t fight with him over paying the bill. Don’t think you are inferior if you don’t pay the bill. Stop thinking ‘I want to pay my own way and be his equal’. You see you can be his equal but please understand this concept….. A man feels good about himself when he can take the lead and take care of you, so let him.
Do offer to pay the bill and genuinely and when he says no I will take care of that all you have to say thank you I really enjoyed our time together and smile. That is it. You will be like a breath a fresh air compare to every other woman.
Don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with, don’t go for the big full on kiss unless you really want to. Give him a tease, just little by little. Don’t go to his house afterwards or allow him to go to yours. Don’t worry if he doesn’t kiss you at all. We are all different there are no hard and fast rules, once you do your part right, the right guy will always notice and appreciate you, and that is all you need to care about.
Let him lead this. Qualities guys tend to go for the bill, say ‘Thank you I enjoyed the evening.’ You give him your check, be comfortable when he leans in touches your arm and says thank you and off you go. Tell him you had a nice time. Men need to know you are interested and confident women are not fearful of sharing their feelings.
You might not be the best flirt, you might feel you are not the sexiest woman but I can assure you when you are comfortable in your own skin, you are relaxed, upbeat and enjoying yourself. You will be a hit. Try these simple tricks and let me know how you get on.
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