I have learned through my own experience and helping clients achieve their desired result that mastering every area of dating was the key to my own success in finding love. I decided if I wanted a different result in my life, I was going to have to source the information and implement it. And that is what I did.
For months, this card sat above my bed and I read it every am and pm. I got my professional profile written and started dating online. I had decided in my head I was going to do whatever it takes this year for me to find love.
I was going to do speed dating, maybe match making, and try things I had never done before. I had made a plan in my head to go on one date a week. And I started practicing everything I learnt.
Dating online gave me the opportunity to practice. I soon figured out online what men I liked and who I didn’t like. I could tell from an email if they were wasting my time or not. I knew who was worth a date and who was not.
Let’s just say I got very savvy at dating! Men were asking me out again and again all the time. The biggest difference was how I was showing up on first dates. I was rocking it!
And here is how…I had developed a mindset for dating
See Yourself As Likable
At the time while I was dating online and building what is now www.lornapoole.com I was working for Vodafone and knocking on doors to sell broadband. It is horrible, don’t do it! But one of things they taught was to presume you are going to get the sale, so on the dates I was feeling all positive and self-assured I got the sale.
So I decided to apply this to dating, presume you are likable and it worked. When I liked myself more so did the men.
That is why I now teach women to know what is attractive about them because it is only in knowing what is attractive about you, can you sit in front of the guy you like and presume you are likable. Give it a try, it really works.
Focus On Making Others Feel Good
It took me a long time to get this but sometimes our words, behavior and actions can make others feel bad. It can come across like you don’t care; you are uninterested or make the other person feel wronged. If you have a habit of doing this but you are unaware of it, you need to be careful you are not turning men off you.
So, as I practiced this principle I learned it was always best to let the man lead. Letting him lead made him feel good, he felt like the man in the relationship.
I knew when a man chooses to do nice things for me, it was not because I was a woman and was too hopeless to do it myself but it was his way of making me feel loved, appreciated and cared for. So, I continued to sit back bring my big smile and my curiosity to the date. I kept the conversation light, present and fun.
The men would come home and really have nothing to complain about I was a good person, I was a breath of fresh air, I was secure, he felt good about himself. So, men started to ask me out again and again. Love started to become a choice for me, instead of me hoping he would like me someday!
I heard on my coaching course that listening is like love to others because so many of us don’t really listen. We just listen with the intent to reply with our opinion, talking from our own inner dialogue and putting our own verbal diarrhoea on others whether they want to hear it or not.
So, I decided to practice our coaching skills and listen intuitively, showing interest by validating and acknowledging what the men said to me. It really worked I came across real, authentic and sweet.
Sometimes dates are disasters, on one date the guy couldn’t find anywhere for us to eat. We were driving around for ages; anywhere that was fancy or decent was closed. So instead of getting thick or embarrassed we went to the chip shop and sat on the pier. A wet dog came up and drowned us in sea water in the winter and there was young boys playing a soccer ball. It was far from peaceful and romantic but it was fun. It is one of my fondest memories. It was a unique date.
That date is now my boyfriend because his attitude and mine was fun and easy being with him didn’t feel stressful. It felt good!
I was always never very confident. If anyone ever gave me feedback on anything like toastmasters, school or at work they always give me that sympathetic look and mutter these words….”do you know what Lorna you would be great if only you would grow more confident”.
So, I decided in dating that was not going to be my problem. I use to say to myself all the time. Lorna, it is only practice, it is only practice. So, I pretended to be confident.
I would put whatever is going on in my head to the back of my mind for two hours or whatever length of the date would go continue for.
I couldn’t believe it men would say to me…..”I love the way you are so confident” and I would chuckle inside “yea right but happy days, nice one Lorna”. Over time I believed the men who gave me the compliments and started to own the positive feedback they gave me.
I would write each compliment in my special book and placed a golden star beside each one. That really grew my confidence with men.
The positive results started to show.
Love Your Life
After hitting a very low point in my life in 2010, I had made a decision in my head to live for me and not what others told me I should do or be. This was difficult at first but I ended up being a lot happier and the happier I was the more good things would happen for me. Men started to find me more attractive and fun to be with.
I knew what I wanted and I knew where I was going, I loved my life. I personally believe this is one of the key secrets to finding love.
Let Him Impress You
This was not my strength but I started to allow men to do nice things with me. I use to be the woman who was always in charge. I was always the boss at work or head person so I was use to being in charge so I found it hard to let others, especially men do nice thing for me.
But one man had entered my life before I met my boyfriend and he spoilt me rotten we stayed in beautiful hotels, eat in the finest restaurants and I was treated like a goddess.
I learned a lot from that experience. I learned it is okay to receive and be treated well by another, you don’t have to do it all by yourself.
Tell Him You Enjoyed His Company
I figured out that most women don’t take complements very well. They either ignore them, believe there is something wrong with him for giving her the compliment or they try to convince the man why the compliment was not valid in the first place and make themselves look unattractive.
So, I decided to do the opposite, I would just say “thank you”. If he paid for the meal, bought me a drink or hold the car door open for me. I allowed him. I told him I appreciated it and they loved it because here the deal. Most women don’t feel very secure, by allowing and saying thank you. You demonstrated value or what I call “The Quality Woman”. If you are on the 90 Day Program you will know all about her.
A positive person is like a breath of fresh air, so no matter what was going on in my world around me. I always brought that positive side of myself to the date. Over time the positive spilled over into other areas of my life and staying positive became easier.
I noticed men would complement me on my positive attitude, when you are around a person who truly lives that way it is like a breath of fresh air because there is so much negativity in the world and everybody is sick of it.
I would imagine a white board in my head and all the fuss and noise of the day or yesterday being wiped off the board and that would be keep me present. I would say to myself for just two hours drop the thoughts in your head and go with the flow.
It worked a treat, if I found myself not being very present all I would just wipe out Louise. L Hay or one of my other spiritual or positive books and get myself grounded again before every date. And this made a huge difference.
So I invite you to do the same for you, get a card and write the headings in this article on your card and post it by your bed, where you can see it every day. And remember to show up on the date doing these ten things. All you have got to do is read the card over and over again to remind yourself what they are.
Lorna helps women let go of the wrong guy and attract the right guy. If you want more dating advice join Magnet For Love Private Facebook Group here and get more tips and scripts on love, men and relationships.