Sue shares how our early years and childhood experience shape how we love as adults. She explains attachment and the brains role in how we repeat patterns and why we do it. How we choose people who are ultimately the same in traits even thought they look completely different on the outside. And what to do to break the pattern of bad partner choices, so that you can turn this around and attract the right guy for you.
Dr. Sue Mandel
Sue Mandel is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a PhD in clinical child psychology. She has been in private practice in Los Angeles for almost 30 years working with families, individuals and couples. Both in her professional and personal life, she saw more and more wonderful people totally frustrated and dejected by the process of dating and finding love. About four years ago, she created an additional career focus exclusively devoted to helping people 40+ find the love they deserve.
In the past 30 years there has been an explosion of scientific brain research in the areas of romantic love, how to establish an emotionally safe and secure adult relationship, mindfulness, self-love, and the ability to literally rewire our brains to achieve relationship success, personal happiness, and a new vitality for life. Dr. Sue has been there from the beginning in the mid-90s, developing an expertise to help her clients find what they had virtually given up on.
What might sound like cold, hard science actually translates into an opportunity for increased joy, personal happiness, and greater health and well-being in all areas of life.
Dr. Sue’s highly unique style of date coaching incorporates customized education, exercises, and practical applications. With humor and warmth, she is able to move her clients into a great “second chapter” of self-love, successful dating, and relationship happiness with the right person once and for all.
- We establish relationship patterns when we are very young
- There are three major attachment styles and we all have one primary style though we are a mix of all three, responding differently depending on the circumstances
- When our needs aren’t met enough of the time, or when they are met inconsistently, this affects our self concept and what we expect from relationships
- If our needs aren’t met enough of the time, we give ourselves negative messages about what we deserve
- We often have a strong visceral attraction to men who aren’t good for us or to us, unconsciously chasing what we didn’t get
- We are trying to heal that earlier relationship, and have confirmation we are lovable
Some antidotes to changing these patterns are:
- Examining the men you are attracted to, and then dating against “type”
- Becoming aware of your inner critic and stopping negative self-talk
- Learn mindful self-compassion and change the way we think about and treat ourselves
- Take time to get to know someone new, and evaluate on a moment by moment basis how we feel when we’re with him
- Establish healthy boundaries to take care of ourselves
Connect with Sue